Friday, February 17, 2012
Surviving the Joys of Sharing & Aging...barely.
I know I've been slacking when it comes to dropping crumbs here, but I have been trying...notebook by my side jotting down ideas, it's just every time I pull out a pen and paper I have to share it with the half pint. Annoying! So, I share and go find something else to do, which she then "shares" with me. I'm going to sound completely nuts here, but can't I even fold laundry by myself?! I know..who the heck wants to fold laundry, let alone doesn't want help with it? ME! Lately, the NO ME TIME is driving ME CRAZY. It's making my neck tense, my jaw clench & my eyes bulge. I try to hide & there is no place to hide, she always finds me! She has a nose like a bloodhound. I play it off as Hide and Seek. I waited and waited to have a child because I wasn't ready to give up ME & when I was ready to even consider it, we began the procreate challenge, which wasn't easy for us, I remember my doctor telling me after my 3rd miscarriage "your ovaries aren't get'n any younger"...haha Thanks, Witch, way to soften the blow...but, as much as I thought I was ready for selflessness, you never are..completely. I never sat down and actually thought about not being able to sit in a bathroom and poop alone. To find a bit of silence is next to impossible unless I rise with the sun or stay up past my bedtime, which in the end only dismantles my sanity anyway, it's a lose lose. I know..I know...woe is me. Could be worse..I could be get'n old. OH WAIT! I am...the joys of aging are upon me and so is FORTY! Yup, this May I'll be 40 and with 40 comes my first mammogram screening, my poor sagging boobies, if I lay on my back I could probably tuck them under my armpits. ATTRACTIVE! & my first dermatology appointment to check out a mole on my aging wrinkling skin & sometimes when I run(slowly), walk or just stand up my ankle or my knee cracks and just gives out, my knee gave out 3 times this morning as I stood at the sink doing dishes...seriously? My skin is drier than it's ever been, my fingertips cracked and weathered, I'm really beginning to look reptile like, if only I could shed this aging skin and start fresh. My back hurts, my shoulders ache. My eyes ache. Sometimes in the morning when I first get out of bed my feet hurt so bad that I hobble like I'm in need of walker, grabbing onto furniture and door frames just hoping I don't go down & crack a hip or elbow. BUT, at the end of the day would I change any of it? F yeah! if I had money for plastic surgery or the map to the fountain of youth, or could create a clone of myself to stand in for me while I do #2 on the potty. Until then...I'll keep on, keeping on. crack. whimper. yawn.