Sunday, July 29, 2012

Vexation

"Mama, more milk and syrup please, with a snack from the cabinet", I haven't mentally processed her first requests, she's barely taken a breathe before she's shouting more at her servant, "Mama can you put on one of my shows & can you do it all at once?"   Ha-Ha.  My, "I'm only one person with two legs and two arms, I can't do everything at once",  will undoubtedly haunt me for years to come if she's already throwing it back at me at the young age of three.



Standing in line at Family Dollar the other day, a package of Princess Pull Ups in my hand, toddler hanging from my pants.  Literally.  The child insists on hanging from my clothing.  It annoys me to the moon and back...imagine it...suddenly,  I'm there, bare ass in the line at the store.  It gives me anxiety. I'm milk white nearly iridescent from the cleavage to the high thigh..someone could be blinded if too much of that beaming light skin is exposed. She's a shirt grabber, too. V Necks, forget about it. crew necks are now v necks..may as well whip out the breast on my own accord because she's gonna pull the neck of that shirt down before I get the words "don't pull on my shirt" out.   I should just throw my arms up and live naked...she'll nickname me, Mama the naked Hero.  She's bare ass as often as she can be...we'll be the naked duo.   I know. Ewww. I gave myself the heebeegeebies with that mental image.  sorry about that.
Sooooo....where was I?
Standing in line at Family Dollar..for what felt like forever & I realized what's more annoying than the kid hanging from my clothing is the cashier who with a 7 people deep line is yakkety yak'n it up with customers. I'm all about polite customer relations, BUT hello, you're over doing it. I'm not interested in hearing your opinion of how plastic shopping bags are flimsier than ever before, the guy behind me isn't interested either, I can tell by the way he's shifting his weight from right to left foot & back again, he's harboring aggravation. The married senior couple the cashier is chatting with must have stock in plastic shopping bags, they're interest is piqued, I'm waiting for them to break out the tea and cookies as the cashier continues with his degradation of the plastic shopping bag discussion. wrap it up, folks!  Grab your chintzy shopping bag and lets move this line up! Bring a reusable bag with you next time! & Mr. Cashier, scan those items, bury that money and get to serving ME before my drawers drop!

Standing in line today at the grocery store, couple of shopping bags hanging on my forearm, waiting for my change from the cashier and the woman in line behind me was, no exaggeration, standing so close to me her left arm was smushed up against my ride side.  If she would have been holding her wallet up in front of her we would have been a mirror image. Seriously?  I realize it's an express lane, the conveyer belt is shorter, this requires a smaller scale of personal space, but Lady! your arm is touching my arm! the hairs on my arm are at attention and if they had little heads with faces they'd be plastered with freaked out emotion. it's wrong. it's about as wrong as it would be for me to give a complete stranger a wet willy.  In Fact, it's too close.. I would have had to take a step back to move my arm into wet willying position.  Back the F Up. 

What's the point of all this?
whether it be the cashiers or customers shopping is whack.  
my daughter is a wise ass. 
neither my sweet, Lyla, nor the woman from the grocery store completely understand personal space. 
...there's still hope for Lyla.

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