Thursday, December 27, 2012

finger yap'n session


Yay for the week of Christmas!  When Lyla was born the husband & I decided a super long weekend or an entire week was needed for Christmas celebrating and recovery time.  I'm convinced having the time to drum it all up, pa rum pum pum pum, and revel in it properly takes more than a day or two.  A day later there are so many people who are dismantling their villages and boughs thankful for it to be over.  Whah, What?  I haven't even had quality play time with all the new toys yet...put the breaks on!  The lead up is the work..now it's time to absorb it all...the Fun part!  Christmas is as exciting for me now as it was when I was a kid.  It's such a ...literal, Merry, time of year.  I just love it & the days after. 

Woke up this morning to about 8 inches of heavy snow & with my warped relationship with food it's easy for me to justify all the shoveling I did means I've earned a piece of cheesecake.  It does not justify the steak and cheese grinder I'm about to devour as soon as it's warm, or the three slices of mac attack pizza I gobbled down for a late lunch or the three handfuls of skittles I've sugar snacked up since dinner.  I've made poor choices today.  yesterday.  the day before that & nearly every day since Thanksgiving.  Crap, we could go as far back as Halloween.  It has been a never ending feeding frenzy. I know this because my clothes are feeling snug & what was my disgusting muffin top has grown into a full blown layer cake.  I'm fed.  up.  BUT, I still have that greasy deliciousness wrapped in foil warming in the oven, mmmm...cheese melting around shaved steak with peppers, onions and mushrooms laced with hot peppers.  Love it.  It's comfort & I eat comfort up when I'm dealing with issues internally.  Tomorrow brings my second visit to the periodontist for my final two quadrants of scaling which we hope will get my gums into better condition.  It's scary for me,  I know it's not THAT bad and I survived the first round with minimal tears.  ha.  Yup, I shed tears during the two novocain shots the one on the roof towards the front of my mouth did hurt, but the tears had more to do with my anxiety and fear, my hands were visibly trembling, my body was so tense my muscles ached the day after, as well as, my gums...yet, somehow I anticipated it being worse?!  I dread the morning & I'm sure I'll have a rough nights rest..fortunately, I'll be done and drooling from the left side of my mouth by noon.  Is it Noon on Friday yet?  Darn.

It's been late nights will Lyla this week, the three year old Rockstar!  It's ten.  She's up.   & it's the reason she's sleeping until 10 in the morning, which has it's advantages, but I sense a tough transition once Daddy & Mami are back on a "normal" schedule late next week.    Even with Santa coming on Christmas she slept in until 9 ...holy macaroni!  I expected her little eyes to be inches from mine by 6 A.M., wasn't the case.  This year anyway.

I had so much more on my mind that I wanted to yap about, but now I'm feeling a compulsion to get this child to bed before my steak and grease gets cold ...haha  so off I go with more to come another day.  

Check out the photos of one of our homemade Christmas gifts. Flat clear gemstones, index sized photos, white glue and magnets.  I'd purchased the stones so long ago with the intent to do something like this, but wasn't sure how to execute sticking the photos onto the stones, I kept thinking glue would make the image cloudy and barely visible, so off to Pinterest I went & sure enough there were people on there who have done it and used white school glue!  Perfect!  They didn't come out too bad considering I allowed Lyla to do much of the gluing.  A winner craft in my mind!  We stuck them in tins and watched for smiles as they were opened Christmas Day.  




Saturday, December 15, 2012

acceptance

I'd been working on a blog about my daughters head cold morphed into mutant brown syrup blowing out her butt every time she coughed for 9 hours & then Friday showed up & my "shitty" day was well...a day I'd take over & over again if the alternative was the tragedy that struck Newtown, Connecticut.  My heart is heavy.  It saddens me that anyone had to die, especially innocence.  Children.  Young kids who are clueless to the dark ugliness that presents itself in the world from time to time. Clearly this young adult was suffering from something much larger than himself.  Yes, his actions are incomprehensible & we're angry, we're heartbroken and we desperately need to place blame & understand Why?!  Investigators will gather evidence and surmise a reason, but the truth died yesterday in a senseless tragedy. We can erect metal detectors, we can build walls, take safe haven behind bullet proof glass, ban weapons.....or we can address the deeper issue, mental health.

For my own mental health, my television is off.