Sunday, March 24, 2013

stretch of time

I hit a St. Patrick's Day jackpot$!  Stuffed half away for a rainy day, threw some at the husband for being the great guy he is..if I win, He wins!  and set off to spend a portion of my "it's my lucky day" winnings on new clothing! I was elated with the prospect of a child free shopping adventure!    what did I find?  Nothing!  It all Sucks!  Horizontal Stripes, No Thanks!  Neon. REALLY?  We're coming full circle back to neon?  Been there, wasn't eye appealing on the first go.  Is it possible to find something that won't have me resembling a giant walking wad of play dough?   If the shades aren't offensive enough everything has giant logo's or graphics plastered across the chest or pockets.  Garbage.  Giant Flowers.  I'm half expecting to see a Georgia O'Keeffe label.  Sheer, so much sheer...I want a shirt, I don't want a shirt and another shirt to wear beneath the one shirt I want.  Doilies draped on hangers...another two shirt requirement.  Jeans with embroidered bedazzled ass pockets...come the F on!  Seriously?!   I want to minimize my ass, not throw it on display!
...on display. on display.  ha.  I'll leave that to Melissa Gorga.
 I did try to find something to like and feel good about spending money on.  I painstakingly sifted through the racks and visited the dressing room half a dozen times.  On my first visit the retail associate counted my items, gave me my number (10-told you I tried. hard). I went on my way, choosing a dressing room in the middle of the row.  I'm inside wearing a couple of my selections.  They're dreadful. I look awful at every angle, as I'm shaking my head at my reflection in the mirror, I hear a whimper.  & again.  For a moment..crazy talk in my head suggests it's my subconscious trying to break through to be sure I don't buy the outfit I'm test wearing.  No, it was another someone. ...a someone out there, on the other side.  I hold my breath to get a closer hear.
 Someone asks, "Are you okay?"
The whimper barely audible, "I'm just going through a difficult time in my life."
and she sobs.  
No!  Make it Stop!  Stop Sobbing!  difficult time?!  Then, get the F out of the dressing room!
Get the F out!  Go Home with your baggage, I'm trying to enjoy a child free, whining free, I can lallygag and whistle softly shopping trip!   You're a downer, (wo)man!
I'm still staring at myself in the mirror & now, I'm laughing.  on the inside.  Hahahaha  My child free shopping adventure is sucking me into someones sob fest. 
The phone rings.  I stand motionless, listening. The sobbing woman starts speaking.  Ah-Ha! It's the sales associate who is battling troubles in life!   Odd.  She didn't look visibly distraught when she checked me in.  I must not have made eye contact.  what color was her hair?  did her voice crack?  is she wearing neon, flowers, swirling graphics or a doily?  WHO CARES!?  This shopping journey has taken a wrong turn.  What do I do?  do I stay in the room and finish trying on this rack of crap I don't particularly care for or do I run?   I stand.  Motionless.  Listening.
"I'm okay," she says.
NO!  Clearly, you Are Not Okay! & I'm trying to enjoy myself and now I'm trapped in a dressing room! I'm suddenly in shopping prison.  If I leave, I feel awkward.  If I stay, I feel trapped.
Then, I hear a mans voice.  Another employee. 
"My grandfather isn't well."  she says...her whimper still lingering.
and they speak, I can't decipher the words well, they must be facing the other direction. 
I hear a new voice.  another employee.
The crying has ended.  Shopping peace has been restored.  I'm free!  She is free, to cry in private.
Until I walk out of the dressing room and there's a child wailing on the other side of the store.
A mother shuffling through dresses on a rack while her two sons, in martial arts uniforms bounce around kicking and blocking each other.  HA! 
Not my night.

It's been so long since I've set out on a hunt for clothing for myself, any dressing room I've been in has been with a 3 foot 3 year old who LOVES to try on dresses!  I'm more comfortable in that role.
I don't shop for myself.  I buy tshirts at merch booths & wear 15 year old jeans.  It works for me & it's annoyance free.  

Monday, March 11, 2013

lightening the load v14

Day 57 of weight loss challenge.  The Final Weigh Out!  A clothed loss of 25lbs.  My home scale read 28lbs naked this morning.  I met my goal of 10% and just missed .5 of the secondary.  11.5% of my weight in 8 weeks.   
I lost the challenge.  womp..womp..womp.
It's disappointing, Lyla told me she'd set a challenge up for me and I could win hers. ;) 
The winner lost 16.5% of her weight. Which is great for her, but a bummer for me.  Yay, for Skeletor!  I would have had to starve myself or hope for a 26 hour day to find more time to work out, my lifestyle just couldn't keep up with that kind of loss in just 8 weeks.  Sucks.  Second Place SUCKS!  3/11/13  the day I was both a winner and a failure.

Excuse me while I go cry into a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream....

Taking the rest of the week off from strict counting & back to it next Monday.  Looking forward to my next 25lb loss.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

lightening the load v13

Closing out my weight loss challenge with a week of the cabbage soup diet in a last ditch effort to catch up to the weight loss leader.  day two.  It Blows!  I want to detonate every head of cabbage I see!  Pass the M80!  F Cabbage swimming in a bowl of water! add the 10 and 11 glasses of water I drink a day and I'm afloat & smell like cabbage.  Worst Idea Ever!
This cabbage diet may ruin my love of cole slaw...Oh, nothing could do that, cole slaw includes one of my favorite condiments.  MMMM...I do love condiments.  They liven up food in all the right ways.  I gave them up for this challenge.   Mostly.   Even a 5 calorie condi was more than I wanted to splurge during the past 7 weeks.  Seven Weeks!  Can you believe it's been that long?!  I was down 23lbs until this Morning...when PMS showed up with 5lbs of extra bloat.   Grrrr.  So, not only am I choking on cabbage, I'm bloated!  It's hilarious, with a sinister laugh.  AND, chances are even after suffering these last 7 days of cabbage choking I still won't win.  I fricken hate to lose.  Some already skinny bitch who consumed about 800 (if that) calories a day for 7 weeks will win it with a 14% weight loss.  Sure, good for her, the 20lb bubble butt is gone & now she can fit back into her size 5's.  F YOU!  Eat a Sandwich, Skeletor!  HA.  I'm teasing.  I'm happy for everyone who's come this far.  I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to starve herself.  If she does in fact win, Good for her,  'She beat me straight up. Pay her. Pay that woman her money' my best KGB voice.
I've really done a great job, losing 23lbs in 7 weeks is no easy feat. I'm shocked & extremely proud of my results so far.  Consuming between 1000 and 1400 well rounded healthy calories a day for 50 plus days.. is work.  I've spent so much time in the kitchen washing, cutting and coring fresh fruit and vegetables.   Going 100% Fresh required me to make time for prep. I feel good.  I have more energy...ha, as I typed that I let out a mouth widening eye scrunching yawn.

Six Days till the Weigh Out!   My palm is's my right palm.  does that mean I'm coming into money?  :)  Stay Tuned.   If I throw salt over my shoulder does it bring shed pounds or good fortune?  & how much does a horseshoe weigh because I could always jam one of those up my butt for luck...