Sunday, March 24, 2013

stretch of time

I hit a St. Patrick's Day jackpot$!  Stuffed half away for a rainy day, threw some at the husband for being the great guy he is..if I win, He wins!  and set off to spend a portion of my "it's my lucky day" winnings on new clothing! I was elated with the prospect of a child free shopping adventure!    what did I find?  Nothing!  It all Sucks!  Horizontal Stripes, No Thanks!  Neon. REALLY?  We're coming full circle back to neon?  Been there, wasn't eye appealing on the first go.  Is it possible to find something that won't have me resembling a giant walking wad of play dough?   If the shades aren't offensive enough everything has giant logo's or graphics plastered across the chest or pockets.  Garbage.  Giant Flowers.  I'm half expecting to see a Georgia O'Keeffe label.  Sheer, so much sheer...I want a shirt, I don't want a shirt and another shirt to wear beneath the one shirt I want.  Doilies draped on hangers...another two shirt requirement.  Jeans with embroidered bedazzled ass pockets...come the F on!  Seriously?!   I want to minimize my ass, not throw it on display!
...on display. on display.  ha.  I'll leave that to Melissa Gorga.
 I did try to find something to like and feel good about spending money on.  I painstakingly sifted through the racks and visited the dressing room half a dozen times.  On my first visit the retail associate counted my items, gave me my number (10-told you I tried. hard). I went on my way, choosing a dressing room in the middle of the row.  I'm inside wearing a couple of my selections.  They're dreadful. I look awful at every angle, as I'm shaking my head at my reflection in the mirror, I hear a whimper.  & again.  For a moment..crazy talk in my head suggests it's my subconscious trying to break through to be sure I don't buy the outfit I'm test wearing.  No, it was another someone. ...a someone out there, on the other side.  I hold my breath to get a closer hear.
 Someone asks, "Are you okay?"
The whimper barely audible, "I'm just going through a difficult time in my life."
and she sobs.  
No!  Make it Stop!  Stop Sobbing!  difficult time?!  Then, get the F out of the dressing room!
Get the F out!  Go Home with your baggage, I'm trying to enjoy a child free, whining free, I can lallygag and whistle softly shopping trip!   You're a downer, (wo)man!
I'm still staring at myself in the mirror & now, I'm laughing.  on the inside.  Hahahaha  My child free shopping adventure is sucking me into someones sob fest. 
The phone rings.  I stand motionless, listening. The sobbing woman starts speaking.  Ah-Ha! It's the sales associate who is battling troubles in life!   Odd.  She didn't look visibly distraught when she checked me in.  I must not have made eye contact.  what color was her hair?  did her voice crack?  is she wearing neon, flowers, swirling graphics or a doily?  WHO CARES!?  This shopping journey has taken a wrong turn.  What do I do?  do I stay in the room and finish trying on this rack of crap I don't particularly care for or do I run?   I stand.  Motionless.  Listening.
"I'm okay," she says.
NO!  Clearly, you Are Not Okay! & I'm trying to enjoy myself and now I'm trapped in a dressing room! I'm suddenly in shopping prison.  If I leave, I feel awkward.  If I stay, I feel trapped.
Then, I hear a mans voice.  Another employee. 
"My grandfather isn't well."  she says...her whimper still lingering.
and they speak, I can't decipher the words well, they must be facing the other direction. 
I hear a new voice.  another employee.
The crying has ended.  Shopping peace has been restored.  I'm free!  She is free, to cry in private.
Until I walk out of the dressing room and there's a child wailing on the other side of the store.
A mother shuffling through dresses on a rack while her two sons, in martial arts uniforms bounce around kicking and blocking each other.  HA! 
Not my night.

It's been so long since I've set out on a hunt for clothing for myself, any dressing room I've been in has been with a 3 foot 3 year old who LOVES to try on dresses!  I'm more comfortable in that role.
I don't shop for myself.  I buy tshirts at merch booths & wear 15 year old jeans.  It works for me & it's annoyance free.  


  1. Love this post! I hate shopping for myself. It is SO stressful, with or without the distraught sales associate. And what IS it with all of the bling on jeans these days? I too would prefer to minimize that area. Bling doesn't help. At all.):

  2. PS

    I have something for you over my way, if you choose to accept.:-)