Tuesday, December 9, 2014

one tooth too many

I hear the husband say, "go show that to mama."
In comes Lyla asking what's in her mouth behind her tooth...OH! Look at that, It's another tooth!  WTF.  My initial reaction was to gag, but I held it back while my mind spun with why is this permanent tooth erupting before you even lose baby teeth & wtf does this mean for your permanent teeth & it looks like it's totally crooked...and Ewww, you're going to be losing teeth and it totally grosses me out. I was never a fan of the teething process, sleepless nights, drool soaked clothing, both of us crying with exhaustion and aches. I'm never going to ask a kid to show me their gaping bloody hole in their gums.  I wish this whole tooth losing and coming could happen while I dream.  I hate the dentist, I go because we have to take care of our teeth, & who doesn't want a nice toothy good looking smile, but it's an anxiety riddled week every time. Yes!  I said week! & I see the dentist/periodontist every 3 months because genetics gave me shitty gums. Thanks Genes, Good Looking Out!  I stress for days and days over a cleaning & now my daughter has shark teeth.  Awesome!  Naturally, my fingers ran straight to google.  It does look to be a common occurrence,  but that doesn't make me feel much better.  I told Lyla to try and wiggle her bottom front baby teeth every day & alert me when they feel like they're loosening, I suggested if she started eating apples this could be beneficial with expediting the departure of the teeth we need gone.  She snarled.  Okay, so maybe taffy will be option B.  Is the Goldenrod closed?    I mentioned I'll talk to the dentist on Monday during my visit & he may say give it some time or he may recommend she come for a visit to show him.  She cried, "I don't want a visit.  What's gonna happen?"
Inhale...Exhale, "Your baby teeth are probably going to come lose and fall out & if they don't the dentist will help them & either way I'm confident it won't hurt."
I'm pretty sure she didn't believe a word I said, but thankfully, she let it go.  for now.  I wanted to pass out just thinking about the possibility they have to pull out her bottom babies to make room for those giant honkers that'll be busting up and out.   This should be a fun ride.  

Thursday, November 20, 2014

"ch-ch-ch-ch changes, turn and face the strange"

I spent my early morning familiarizing myself with the doctors listed in our new insurance network.  It reaffirmed my dislike of phone talking, waiting on hold with intermittent messages without volume control, and dead ends both on my search & on my hair and hearing loss in my left ear.   At one point I was actually debating whether I should run to the corner store because I'd  have a better shot of hitting a seven spot keno game than finding a doctor in our direct network who's accepting new patients.   I did finally score with a new family prac who'll be able to take us all on, provided the accepting new patients doesn't hit the flip side before the husband has his final visit with our most favorite doctor evah, we sign our releases and have our history shipped off to a stranger.  Can you sense my reluctance?  I'm a master of head-butting change, financially it's the best option for our family.  Sucks when decisions and choices like these come down to the almighty dollar, but I can't justify Not saving more than 2k annually just so I can stick with a doctor I see once a year for my annual & Lyla's check up & hit the office a second time for my flu shot.  We're fortunate in we're generally a healthy family. If you don't take into account the cold I've been trying to shake for a week or the phlegm rumbling cough Lyla developed overnight.  Never an ear infection, never a case of strep throat, never a fever more than a few days fighting a nasty virus.  I've only required a prescription for antibiotics a handful of times in my forty-plus years.  Lyla has never been on an antibiotic, she wasn't even breastfed...go figure, put that in your nipple and suck on it. The husband survives his one mancold a year.  We're kill'n it on the serious sickness free ride. 
*knock on wood*    
I think of close friends battling far more serious events in their lives and pangs of guilt strike deep, how dare I feel anxiety over something so seemingly simple.  Then, I remember...I'm allowed to feel upset about things when they don't work in my favor.  I, also, need to remember these feelings don't own me, here I am one step closer to finalizing this change.  I'm wearing my big girl panties.  In the end I'll look back on this and scoff at all the stress I created for myself and experience relief for the steps I took in embracing change.  In the larger picture this isn't about a new doctor, this is about my ability to adapt.  I've come a long way with further to go...baby steps. 
In the midst of my on hold morning the door bell rang.  JW asking if I thought Satan was real.  You have to have love for these folks.  They're so dedicated.  It was thirty degrees with a wind that would ruin your hairstyle & chap your lips outside and they're door knocking, dressed to impress.  I let him share his message and pamphlets.  When all is said and done, I'm confident we both wore smiles for reasons that may have been different, but sprouted from the same root.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

the trials of floppy ears

It's tough to be a floppy eared Golden susceptible to ear infections.  Waking mom at 1:45 A.M. with a wet nose to her cheek was the best course of action & the sudden incessant shaking of the head sent the message.  She walked me downstairs, cleaned my ear, gave me a treat, let me outside & then cuddled on the couch massaging the boo boo ear for far longer than she normally would in the black of morning night, just as she drifted back off to sleep I nudged her to alarm her of my littlest best friends voice.  She disappeared upstairs for a couple hours to return to let me out again.  Morning turned light, she left with my littlest friend & returned with ear drops.  Eight drops equal one treat for seven days.
Who Trains Who?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Day 8 of Kindergarten

Too many nights of meltdowns to relive & a sobbing sad fest this morning.  & I have PMS.
Day 8 of Kindergarten.   She begged to skip the day...Alll Morning.  It took every ounce of strength to smile and shower her with positivity.
I held her close, whispered it would be a good day in her ear and asked a teacher to have an older student escort her to the gym, as tears streamed down her cheeks.  She walked.. head down, shoulders hunched.
All summer she runs and runs and rides and swings and swims and scoots and runs more, from sun up until sun down and then some, but this is a different type of exhaustion.
It's breaking my heart.  In the beginning I was amazed at how brave she was, that there was very little argument, at how simple the transition seemed to be.   turns out...it was just a low boil, until the reality set in. 
She's Five!  A five year old shouldn't dread school.  Perhaps she wouldn't if it weren't six plus hours, 5 days a week.  She is in school nearly 32 hours a week.  Many places of employment would consider that a full time job.  SHE'S FIVE!  Where are her full time benefits?  *I jest*
It's recommended a child her age sleeps an average of 10 and 12 hours a night.
Okay, so the kid has to rise at seven in the morning to get ready and be at school for half past eight.  Twelve hours of sleep would mean the poor kid would have to be in bed ...sleeping...by 7.  She doesn't get out of school until nearly three.  Does it seem right for a five year old to have only four free hours a day to play, explore, eat dinner and bathe before a proper bed time routine?!  SHE'S FIVE!

Can you feel my frustration?!  I'm grinning and bearing it...but, honestly, I'd be melting down, too. & may...soon.
Full Day, Five Day School at Five Years Old...BLOWS!!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

living with the moments

that moment when you first walk into the store and your child stops, pulls quarters from her purse and leisurely debates which trinkets and candy to purchase from the wall of toy vending machines.

that moment when your child commandeers the shopping carriage through a packed supermarket while sugary drool drips from the creases of her lips from the giant gumball she has stuffed in the cheek of her mouth to soften and chew.

that moment when your child insists you steer the cart while she lays on the bottom rack.
that moment when your child pulls the now flavorless wad of gum from her mouth and hands it to you.

that moment when your child wants to load the groceries onto the conveyer belt and as you pass the items along you begin to notice items she snuck in the cart.

that moment you realize you still have two more stops before you're done with the errands and at the pace the morning has taken your popsicles will undoubtedly melt before errand completion so you run home & put away all the perishables.

that moment when you're finally home for good...THREE hours later.  cue Gilligan's Island theme.

spilled milk, cereal crumbs, dancing like no ones watching around the butcher shop as I stood at the exit. waiting...to exit, twirling a wet umbrella..in a down pour, rather than walking briskly to an entrance.  during all these moments and a list of more I've since forgotten..I repeated, Keep a Hold on Your Patience, in my head.  it worked.  I let her husk the corn at the supermarket, probably took nearly ten minutes longer than it should have but, man...she was pumped. her dancing and singing at the market induced quite a few smiles.  I didn't melt in the rain.  her light is my light.  I'm refusing to be a mother who becomes annoyed over this petty stuff.  I'm putting the brakes on senseless stress filled emotions.   ain't nobody got time for that....

live in the moment.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Server Rant

Dear You,
I'm sorry you found it more appropriate to leave a note on your credit card slip about the inadequacies you found with my service rather than promptly bring it to my attention..at those very moments I was interacting with you & your dinner companion...because, Hello! We Did In Fact have plenty of time to share the exchange.  Then again, that's my perception and you're entitled to yours. Remember you ordered the wrong drink and hurried after me and tapped me on the shoulder?  Remember as you finished your first beverage I was there to ask if you desired another? Remember your companion did a half ass reading of the menu and ordered something a vegetarian wouldn't eat & after it was brought to my attention I went and talked with the appropriate people to accommodate the vegetarian needs, no?   No memory of that extra time I attended to you?  Remember when I couldn't eye spy your table because you had friends at the end for a good 10 minutes yacking it up?  yackety, yack, don't talk back.  Remember I had to swerve and swivel my way in through those friends to serve your meals and no-one including yourself acknowledged my presence?  Remember when I came back and asked how everything was & you said good?  Remember when I refilled your water glasses?  Remember when I refilled them, again?  Remember when I asked if you wanted a third beverage and you said no even though the glass was empty?  Which I did find odd because although you'd woofed down your dinner in less time that it took to cook, your date was only half done her meal...yikes, with that kind of yap'n away I would have drank the bar to numb the ears, less talk'n honey, more Fork in Mouth!  You chose to opt out.  Apparently, I'd missed the refill window, but here is what you failed to recognize... I remember the special circumstances you created for me with the mistaken "meat" order...Read the Menu!  Especially, if you have special dietary needs and if you can't read then Ask! It's my job to know the menu!  The Friends hovering created a more challenging service for me unless I Stalk, I didn't read you as stalking is appropriate diners.  My bad.  When all is said and done  you actually required More Attention than the other 10 people I had dining in my section at the time, which threw a curve in my mojo and I had to adjust my groove to serve the 2 top who ordered desserts to get them out for a possible 2 top on deck,  the four top who was ready to pack up and the four top half way thru appetizers with salad on soup to come. You failed to recognize this because...well, you don't have to, but it's my job to remember Every Step & sometimes maybe I skip, maybe I trip. Maybe I could have made a swing by your table prior to doing something else.  I f*d up.  I'm Human.  I'm sorry I couldn't be All you wanted me to be.  I'm sorry you chose to pussy out of confronting the issue head on..unless you tell me, I can't fix it.  I've overcome my initial hurt and anger about the shitty tip and comment.  I really do take it personally.  I'm a part time server, full time perfectionist. I now realize I shouldn't be angry with you or call you names and lump you in the "I hate people" category.  I don't even know you.   ...thank goodness.  I wouldn't want to know such a coward.  You looked me in the eye and wished me a good night, said thanks and then write a note like you did?  Okay, maybe I'm still bent.  ha.   While I'm on the ranting business....the asshole who blew their nose in a cloth napkin last weekend that I totally grabbed full handed and found my hand covered in snot.... You're gross!  Everyone in the kitchen got a kick out of me dry heaving over the trash barrel,  You totally are in my ledger of people I hate...your act is hate-able.  and totally F*n Grody!

Oh, the note.... you want to know the note on the slip?  great penmanship..I do appreciate that, thumbs up.
~ the inattentiveness was noticed, I ate my meal without a second beer. 

Note to self:  said person, image burnt to memory, eats meal in three bites, be sure to get third beverage there prior to second mouthful or pay taxes on tip The State assumes you received because no asshole on the planet would be such a chooch.

In the end, I'm sorry you felt it necessary to deal with the situation the way you did. My co-workers and husband thank you, they loved listening to me whine.  *eye roll*  You left me feeling hurt, without a way to make it better, my feelings in limbo festering this ball of angst and confusion, recounting every step from the time I put down your bread til I cashed you out.  Not Cool, Man.  Not cool.  I forgive you!  I can only hope next time you'll man up or shut up.   Peace!  

Now, now can I feel like I had the final word?   *wink*

Cold Snap Rocks!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Woman's Best Friend

Last night I set the alarm on my phone like I  do when I plan to wake up much earlier than the house. I failed to set the volume to a level loud enough to be heard over the "ocean"  we have gently crashing off the walls in the bedroom at night.  Yes, we're dependent on the sound machine, but that's another story.  I awake to a doggy eskimo kiss. Wet nose to dry nose.  I rotate my head face down into the pillow...to both hide and dry my now wet nose.  I force a muffled, "go lay down" through my lips, scrunch my eyes with the hopes of finding sleep again easily but there again is that wet nose when I come up for fresh air from the pillow.  He didn't give up.  I open my eyes, they fall upon my phone, all lit up...quietly playing the muppet show theme.  Thanks, Osc.  You're a real great friend, good look'n out!  Now if you only knew how to help with the housework....

Dancing buddies, too!

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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Party Shoes

Two weeks into the sparkly new year and I'm stress'n over petty stuff.  Lyla has her first friend from school birthday party this weekend.  NO!  Don't Make Me Go!  ha.  A room full of strangers..ugh.  I've had anxiety over this for weeks and it's building, for two nights I've been stressed in my sleep with bad dreams. Seriously, I'm a fricken whack job.  Now I'm stressed about having anxiety over something so trivial.  A kids fricken party.  Who cares if I know anyone, what the F does it matter?! The mother of the young child brought invites to the teacher and had them sent home in the kids backpacks.  Am I the only one who finds this approach a bit pushy?  The woman sent a reminder note in backpacks this week. Definitely, Pushy! Or is that my mind nit picking negative.  I don't know how birthdays for school age children work...yet..but, as a kid I never invited my entire class to my parties & I certainly wouldn't be inviting a group of strangers to my home.  Sure, I know Lyla knows the kid and often shouts good-bye to several of the children by name...but, are they really birthday party close? and what the f is birthday party close?  Again, my wheels pecking and searching for a reason to support my inner voices, I don't want to go, chant. The reminder indicates response has been low. Eeek. What if it's not a room full of strangers at all but, a nearly empty room with nowhere to hide? What's worse?! I'm rattled. At one point the voices in my head were discussing how the kids mom wears bad shoes so, I shouldn't go.  What if a handful of attendees wear bad shoes and I stand in the corner silently judging their poor choice of footwear?  What an awful time that would be. I wanted to stomp on my own little toe..to think I actually brought something as subjective as shoes into play.  Yeah, I feel ya.. my mouth gaped, too. Although, in my defense they're velcro sneakers.  Until I looked down at my very own shoes and spotted velcro.  I ate crow.

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 It's wrong and I'm certainly not going to listen to any of the voices in my head.  I'm pulling from outside my defined box of comfort and bringing Lyla to this damn party full of strangers or maybe it'll be a poorly attended party..either way pass me a party hat & let us Rock the Birthday!  I Can Do This....I Know I Can!  Worst case, it's as awful as I imagine, I barely survive and Then..calm will settle back into my life when the party is over.  until my next irrational fear awakens the nerves.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Sparkly New Year

It's a brand New Year!  Throw some glitter and it's Shiny & New!  & now my floor sparkles, too.

I ended 2013 with weighing out for a weight loss challenge a handful of my family & I agreed to stage during the Holidays.  Yikes!  I've had brighter ideas.  Although, I'm pretty impressed that given my lax approach & the copious amounts of sugary and carby foods the Holidays seem to carry I somehow managed to lose 9.4 pounds.  Woot!  My cousin mentioned that this is actually, in a twisted way of looking at it, like losing 20lbs because I didn't gain the Holiday Ten.  Woot Woot!   I did finish last in the challenge, womp, womp, womp... by a couple tenths of a percentage.  ha-ha  If only I'd tried harder instead of barely trying.  Here's a photo of me and my Trophy! 
Weight Loss Challenge 2013.  Losah!   *smile*

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What do I have planned for the New Year you ask?

In the New Year I'm going to wait a mandatory 10 seconds after I pee to wipe.  I'll sit there and do 10 kegels.  I hate when I wipe and then more pee sneaks out and I have to wipe again.

I'll dust less.  If that's possible.

I'm gonna try like heck not to stress over the petty stuff.  Who cares if when I left for work the kitchen was orderly & when I come home both my sinks are full with dishes.  At least I know the family ate well.  & so what if I wash and fold the husbands clothes and he fails to put them away for weeks, at least he's wearing clean drawers.  & why do I get so emotional over clutter?  I'm gonna dig deep & embrace ..even just a wee bit..of clutter. 

I gonna to soak my feet more.

I'm going to take shit I don't need and repurpose it into new shit I don't need.

I'm gonna stop there before I resolve to do something crazy like blog more frequently and plus I don't want to stress myself  out with some petty list of stuff I'll feel pressured to fulfill. 

Happy New Year!