Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Party Shoes

Two weeks into the sparkly new year and I'm stress'n over petty stuff.  Lyla has her first friend from school birthday party this weekend.  NO!  Don't Make Me Go!  ha.  A room full of strangers..ugh.  I've had anxiety over this for weeks and it's building, for two nights I've been stressed in my sleep with bad dreams. Seriously, I'm a fricken whack job.  Now I'm stressed about having anxiety over something so trivial.  A kids fricken party.  Who cares if I know anyone, what the F does it matter?! The mother of the young child brought invites to the teacher and had them sent home in the kids backpacks.  Am I the only one who finds this approach a bit pushy?  The woman sent a reminder note in backpacks this week. Definitely, Pushy! Or is that my mind nit picking negative.  I don't know how birthdays for school age children work...yet..but, as a kid I never invited my entire class to my parties & I certainly wouldn't be inviting a group of strangers to my home.  Sure, I know Lyla knows the kid and often shouts good-bye to several of the children by name...but, are they really birthday party close? and what the f is birthday party close?  Again, my wheels pecking and searching for a reason to support my inner voices, I don't want to go, chant. The reminder indicates response has been low. Eeek. What if it's not a room full of strangers at all but, a nearly empty room with nowhere to hide? What's worse?! I'm rattled. At one point the voices in my head were discussing how the kids mom wears bad shoes so, I shouldn't go.  What if a handful of attendees wear bad shoes and I stand in the corner silently judging their poor choice of footwear?  What an awful time that would be. I wanted to stomp on my own little think I actually brought something as subjective as shoes into play.  Yeah, I feel ya.. my mouth gaped, too. Although, in my defense they're velcro sneakers.  Until I looked down at my very own shoes and spotted velcro.  I ate crow.

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 It's wrong and I'm certainly not going to listen to any of the voices in my head.  I'm pulling from outside my defined box of comfort and bringing Lyla to this damn party full of strangers or maybe it'll be a poorly attended party..either way pass me a party hat & let us Rock the Birthday!  I Can Do This....I Know I Can!  Worst case, it's as awful as I imagine, I barely survive and Then..calm will settle back into my life when the party is over.  until my next irrational fear awakens the nerves.

1 comment:

  1. I wish I had seen this sooner! How did it go? I've been in that situation since the beginning of Playgroups. The anxiety was almost anxious inner child stomping her feet and yelling no! I don't wanna! In the end, though, you go. You go for them and you grin and bear it (just don't bare it!) and every once in a while you just might meet someone who's able to grin and bear it with you. You are blessed to have such a large group of people you do actually know. You've been able to "socialize" her on your own terms with your own friends and stepping outside of that can be scary. The whole class B-day invites are pretty common now, at least in the younger grades. In fourth it's now starting to simmer down. The invites have slowed to only close friends and the parties have less kids. You have a few years to go yet, but it gets better, and not because it gets easier to face the unknown, but just drop the damn kids off!!! :) No more standing in the corner trying to think of something to say and trying to care about what's being said. The B-day party stress will eventually turn into a few hours of fabulous YOU time! Something to look forward to...