Thursday, November 20, 2014

"ch-ch-ch-ch changes, turn and face the strange"

I spent my early morning familiarizing myself with the doctors listed in our new insurance network.  It reaffirmed my dislike of phone talking, waiting on hold with intermittent messages without volume control, and dead ends both on my search & on my hair and hearing loss in my left ear.   At one point I was actually debating whether I should run to the corner store because I'd  have a better shot of hitting a seven spot keno game than finding a doctor in our direct network who's accepting new patients.   I did finally score with a new family prac who'll be able to take us all on, provided the accepting new patients doesn't hit the flip side before the husband has his final visit with our most favorite doctor evah, we sign our releases and have our history shipped off to a stranger.  Can you sense my reluctance?  I'm a master of head-butting change, financially it's the best option for our family.  Sucks when decisions and choices like these come down to the almighty dollar, but I can't justify Not saving more than 2k annually just so I can stick with a doctor I see once a year for my annual & Lyla's check up & hit the office a second time for my flu shot.  We're fortunate in we're generally a healthy family. If you don't take into account the cold I've been trying to shake for a week or the phlegm rumbling cough Lyla developed overnight.  Never an ear infection, never a case of strep throat, never a fever more than a few days fighting a nasty virus.  I've only required a prescription for antibiotics a handful of times in my forty-plus years.  Lyla has never been on an antibiotic, she wasn't even breastfed...go figure, put that in your nipple and suck on it. The husband survives his one mancold a year.  We're kill'n it on the serious sickness free ride. 
*knock on wood*    
I think of close friends battling far more serious events in their lives and pangs of guilt strike deep, how dare I feel anxiety over something so seemingly simple.  Then, I remember...I'm allowed to feel upset about things when they don't work in my favor.  I, also, need to remember these feelings don't own me, here I am one step closer to finalizing this change.  I'm wearing my big girl panties.  In the end I'll look back on this and scoff at all the stress I created for myself and experience relief for the steps I took in embracing change.  In the larger picture this isn't about a new doctor, this is about my ability to adapt.  I've come a long way with further to go...baby steps. 
In the midst of my on hold morning the door bell rang.  JW asking if I thought Satan was real.  You have to have love for these folks.  They're so dedicated.  It was thirty degrees with a wind that would ruin your hairstyle & chap your lips outside and they're door knocking, dressed to impress.  I let him share his message and pamphlets.  When all is said and done, I'm confident we both wore smiles for reasons that may have been different, but sprouted from the same root.

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