Friday, March 25, 2016


a young student, the age of six, returns to the classroom where peers are reading books.  the child sits.  the adult in the room approaches and says something along the lines of, it was dumb not to ask for a book before sitting.  what the majority of students in the classroom interpreted from the statement, you're dumb.  a group of them concluded the adult in the room was, without a doubt, rude.
my daughter shared this story with me, she painted the picture first with telling me her teacher was in a meeting all morning and they had someone else as a teacher & this teacher called a young friend a bad word.
my forehead crinkled and I asked what word.
an apprehensive whisper... duhmm.
the details followed. 
I'm comforted she believes the word used by the adult was insensitive.  She's a feeler.  I did throw out the flip side, I'm sure it was a misstep of words, there wasn't intent on harming this young kids ego and a proud smile grew across my face with her firm reply, An Adult Should Know Better!
you're right, a perfect world we all would.  keep being you, you are wise beyond your years.
I sense activism in her future.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

you. me. we.

Have you ever had someone look you in the eye and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I've been a bitch to you.  I totally, gave you the cold shoulder because I thought you were friends with ..."  (years.  this is years we're talking about.)
ha.  silly me, all this time I've been thinking to, this broad is a total bitch.
I didn't actually say that out loud because...well, I'm not a asshole.  So, I said, "Oh, you know...I never really thought that much into it, sorry."
and then...I sat there...and wanted to kick myself in the teeth.  I'm sorry. ???   wtf is that?  I'm not sorry.  She, she's the sorry one.  I didn't do anything to be sorry for.  I'm good.  my inside voice: fuck her. 
The apology was followed by an accusation, ahhh ha, yes...they're always too good to be true.  An accusation that I couldn't have had something more important going on, on the day mutual friends were mourning their son.   ????  really?  and when I replied with...
"no, I was home with my sick daughter."  the face of the questioner came closer. uncomfortably close, stared me dead in the eyes and asked, "all day, you could not make it all day? "
ummmmm???  I was confused.  honestly.  I'm sure my eyes read it, but I kind of shrugged and said.."yeah, my daughter was sick all day."   Not a good answer...apparently...because another question was posed..."it was ALLL DAY...You couldn't make it ALL DAY, You had All Day to get there and you couldn't???!!"
I was thinking to  seriously? who the fuck are you, the funeral police?  and then, I asked...well, did you see the flowers I sent, because they were beautiful, I know. I put my heart in them, I fucking cried at the counter as I wrote the card and told the woman exactly what I felt I needed the flowers to be.  I knew even had my daughter not been sick, I couldn't take the day off. new job. union requirements for days off.  I couldn't have worked it out without lying.  I would have had to call out with a sick day because I haven't been on the job long enough to earn a "vacation day"  NO.  It's bad karma.  If I say I'm sick and I'm not...I'll get sick. That's the way the world works... (in my world)  People can call me an asshole for it, they can say I didn't try hard enough, they can judge from sun rise to sun set, but it will never change the facts....   I love the family who lost a son.  I love the son they lost.  I love the mom who'll grieve her loss until her dying day, as well as, the dad who lost his first born.  I love these people & merely thinking about their loss. it hurts. When somebody questioned my loyalty tonight, it hurt. & shame on them for using a tragedy to judge me. My love, My Vibe. Those who believe in me....We Own it!  
this is for those...those who love.
the funny people
the likable people
the lovable people
people with big hearts
generous people
friendly people
good people
friend people
the friend who run deep people.

I grieve for their grief
You won't see this coming until it punches you in the face
Black eye
Busted nose
Broken heart

The cards.  at the store.  they don't sell...sorry for the loss of your son
...because this shit.  It's NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN THIS WAY!
& it hurts!  It's fucking knives.  It's fucking spoons.  It's fucking Hurt!